Saying goodbye to my children, knowing that I would only have them 50% of the time, was the most difficult aspect of my divorce to process. Letting go. For nearly three decades, since the birth of my first child, my life had been dedicated full-time to raising and homeschooling my nine children. I had experienced the bittersweet transition letting go of my older children leaving for university, which was challenging but a natural part of life that I could accept.
However, watching my younger children wave goodbye as they drove away to their father’s home, five hours away, was an entirely different experience. Life had not prepared me for this. Even now, three years later, I can still feel the deep emotional pain I felt during that first goodbye. As soon as the car disappeared around the corner, I hopped on my bike and pedaled to the beach. Walking along the shoreline, I sobbed uncontrollably, repeating this ritual with every farewell. In those moments, grief consumed me entirely.
But over time, as acceptance began to settle in my mind and heart, the intensity of my grief lessened. What was once a ritual of tears and heartache gradually transformed into moments of introspection. As I stood on that beach, I started to recognize the pain of letting go and the necessary growth that comes with it. With each goodbye, I mourned the loss, but I also discovered a newfound strength within myself.
Three years have passed since those initial farewells, and this morning, as I stood in my doorway waving goodbye to my two youngest boys heading to their father’s home, something profound happened. As I closed the door, I realized that it no longer hurt. The ache in my heart had dissipated, replaced by a sense of happiness and love. It was a milestone to be celebrated—a testament to the long and transformative journey from pain to joy, from captivity to embracing freedom, from turmoil to peace.
The process of letting go and embracing freedom that comes with shared parenting after divorce is not easy. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to face the emotions head-on. Initially, it feels like an insurmountable task, as if a piece of your heart is being ripped away. But as we confront our grief, accept the new dynamics of our family, and find strength in our own resilience, we discover that healing is possible.
I have come to appreciate the precious moments I spend with my children even more, realizing the value of every second we have together. The time we share has become even more cherished and meaningful. I no longer take it for granted, knowing that our time together is limited. We laugh, we bond, and we create lasting memories that sustain me during the times we are apart.
When my children leave and the house falls quiet, I embrace those moments of solitude as an opportunity to reflect, recharge, and nurture myself. I have learned the importance of self-care and self-discovery during these periods of separation. Instead of dwelling on the emptiness, I choose to see it as a chance for personal growth and exploration.
This newfound concept of embracing freedom allows me to dive into my own passions, goals, and dreams. I have realized that my identity extends beyond the role of a parent. I am an individual with unique interests, talents, and aspirations. Through this journey, I have discovered new hobbies, pursued long-forgotten dreams, and connected with parts of myself that were overshadowed during my married life.
I have found solace in creative pursuits like painting, writing, or playing music. I have taken up new hobbies that bring me joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s exploring nature, reading books, or learning new skills, these moments of self-indulgence have become essential to my well-being. They remind me that I am not just a parent but a multifaceted individual with limitless potential for growth and self-expression.
As I embrace this time for self-discovery, I have learned to set goals for myself and work towards achieving them. I have identified my passions and dreams, and I am actively pursuing them with enthusiasm and determination. Whether it’s furthering my education, starting a new career, or traveling to new places, I am taking deliberate steps towards realizing my aspirations.
Through this journey, I have discovered that my personal growth and happiness ultimately benefit my children as well. By nurturing my own well-being and pursuing my dreams, I am modeling resilience, perseverance, and self-love for them. I want them to see that life after divorce can be vibrant, fulfilling, and full of possibilities.
So, when my children leave, I do not wallow in sadness or dwell on their absence. Instead, I seize the opportunity to nourish my soul, deepen my self-awareness, and embrace the fullness of who I am. These moments of solitude have become transformative, allowing me to evolve, thrive, and become the best version of myself.
Letting Go, in the end,
created this journey of self-discovery and personal growth has given me a renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment. It has shown me that even amidst the challenges of divorce, there is immense potential for joy, happiness, and fulfillment. I am grateful for the gift of this embracing freedom and the limitless possibilities it holds.
Today, I stand as a testament to the power of healing and the resiliency of the human spirit. I have learned that saying goodbye is not an ending but a new beginning. Through the pain and tears, I have found strength, happiness, and a profound sense of peace. It is a journey that continues to unfold, one day at a time, as I navigate the complexities of parenting post-divorce and embrace the beautiful possibilities that lie ahead.
